Validation is an underrated neccessisty.

"Girl at Mirror" by Norman Rockwell

 As hard as we try to understand our place in the world from our own perspective we need to understand our peers' perception of us as well, but how?  Verbal (and nonverbal) communication of (loving) constructive criticism, like validation is key.  It isn't sugar coating or dishonest compliments saying, "That is hilarious," when it really isn't; That gives a person a false sense of validation.  And now, you're stuck with someone who proudly continually makes terrible jokes one after another.  You would have been better off giving her a polite smile.

When you're fighting with your significant other, validation can be saying, "Although my motives are not what you perceived from my actions, I understand why you thought that or why it upsets you."  In lamest terms and an example?  "When I was talking to my ex, I didn't mean to come off as flirting, but I can see why you're worried."  Validation is saying, "You don't need to be worried.  I left that person for a reason.  I want to be with you."  Validation is also honest.  If the ex is a threat, then its a false sense of validation.  So an honest and scary validation would be saying, "I do have feelings for that person still. But... [Insert solution if applicable.]" 

Without emotional validation, "Psh, she's just my ex.  Don't you trust me," it can make people afraid to share their irrational feelings, because that's what they think they are.  They think they shouldn't be feeling what they feel.  It's called "gas lighting": tricking someone into believing their emotions are not valid. (source)  But either way, without having emotional validation, it can make a person feel lost.  It can lead to the same fight repeating over and over, instead of growth.  And that can be really "fun."

We need validation in our careers, as well.  We need to know what we're good at, because if we're not good at our profession, we need to know how we can improve ...or what we should be doing instead.  Career validation can be, "Wow, you know how to make things happen."  Validation can even be seeing your own progress.  How you've made so much from scratch.
Validation is more effective when it is detailed and descriptive and stated like a fact.  Otherwise, it can be taken as fake compliments.  "No, that's sweet of you, but I know I look fat.  Thanks anyways."  The more constructive the validation is, the better.  How many girls do you know think they look fat or ugly, even though everyone tells them they're not.  It almost gets annoying.  But saying, "Look, you have a really nice butt," can go much further than, "No you're not, you so pretty!"  Details are more concrete.  It feels like they're paying attention.  It feels as if that feature is notable.  The person might not respond accordingly, but it'll be stored in their memory bank if they feel you're sincere, "I have a nice butt."

But it seems like some people don't need more positive validation, because they've already gotten their fair share.  Sometimes it can go to their head, which can make another person jealous or annoyed.  One might start feeding insults to counteract.  But perhaps they need more loving constructive criticism on other parts of their lives.  "Yes, you're hot, but you've stopped caring about everyone else.  You used to be so nice." --When I say "loving," I mean that your critique is in their best interest, not your own.  It's taken from Rev. Tim Keller's teaching,

"Speak truth saturated in love.  Truth without love is deadly.  But love without truth is also deadly."

If there isn't anything to constructively critique, perhaps your jealousy is your own problem.  She's hot, but she's also sweet, beautiful, fun, wise, caring, selfless, and successful.  Why not let her know you appreciate her as a person in this society or as a friend?

We can actually get lazy with positive validation.  We might say, "Awesome, this is good, so it doesn't need to be touched."  That's where being "your own worst critic" can actually come in handy.  If you strive to always improve, the intention is that it will only get better.  When we receive a few positive validations about our talents or traits, we feel more optimistic.  Its a good foundation for growth.  "You thought I was good before, but now look at me.  Just try to stop me."

Not all validation is positive.  Negative validation can be, "Audrey, no one gets your movie."  We're much more comfortable giving negative validation.  Don't get me wrong, negative validation is still important.  We need to know where we stand.  We're not always great and doing well.  But without positive validation, you're stuck.  You're loosing energy in the middle of the ocean trying to doggy paddle your way to land.   You feel like your whole project should be scrapped, perhaps you're dream career too, unless something tells you, "No, you're good at this thing.  Build on that."

We need positive validation to confirm what we are doing right, so that what we are doing wrong doesn't feel so futile.

Sometimes it can be hard to find something positive to say if all you see is what's wrong.  It can feel dishonest to fish for something good or as if you're sugar coating when you say something like, "Well, this character was funny... once," fearing they'll take that compliment too much to heart.  If this is the case, advice can be helpful if you want them to succeed.  When you say to a person, "It's awful," and walk away, they're lost.  But if you say, "I didn't understand how the characters came up with the conclusions they made," it feels like they're being guided in the right direction rather than left stranded. The gears in their head can start running, "How do I solve this problem..."

When others won't give you any positive validation, you need to turn to yourself.  You need to look at your work or yourself from an outside perspective and see what they see.  Become unbiased.  Look at it from face value and understand what is good about it or figure out how it can be improved.

Just as validation is important to receive, it is important to give.  If you want to see your partner, your children, your parents, your friends, your apprentices, or simply people in this world succeed, you will see more improvement with loving, constructive validation.